crystal and sweet violin (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
thelinesoflearning) wrote2013-09-10 12:03 am
thelinesoflearning) wrote2013-09-10 12:03 am
(no subject)
I would like the bad brainspace to go away, because it's seriously impairing my ability to do anything. Or want to do anything, but even when I want to, doing just never happens.
It was a seriously bad morning. Nearly crying minutes after I woke up because I had to get out of bed bad. I got it beat down to a place where I can hide it again, but I keep feeling it trying to resurface and it's getting to be harder and harder. And I'm starting to beat myself up for nesting in distractions, or even wanting them. Telling myself 'I get a break on having to do things til the end of this month because so many doctors and so much family' is so much easier than actually giving myself a fucking break.
speaking of doctors, I still haven't got my pills. I need to actually talk to people when I go in, which is not what they led me to believe would be happening. I was under the impression I went in, picked up a prescriotion, and left, and no, apparently not. I don't want to talk. Some part of my brain is utterly convinced they're calling me in to explain to me that there's nothing wrong with me but my being stupid and lazy and letting myself continue to be worthless. I know they're probably not. Still feel like it.
I'm going to try and go Wednesday. I just don't know if I actually will. I should. I just don't know.
I should maybe sleep. I've been keeping about a 12/1-7/8 sleep schedule lately. I hate it with a passion, I miss being up all night, but I'm trying to stick with it at least till the Disney trip ends. I should stick with it longer, but... hate it. Hate it a lot.
I don't know. I'm just talking because I don't know what else to do.
It was a seriously bad morning. Nearly crying minutes after I woke up because I had to get out of bed bad. I got it beat down to a place where I can hide it again, but I keep feeling it trying to resurface and it's getting to be harder and harder. And I'm starting to beat myself up for nesting in distractions, or even wanting them. Telling myself 'I get a break on having to do things til the end of this month because so many doctors and so much family' is so much easier than actually giving myself a fucking break.
speaking of doctors, I still haven't got my pills. I need to actually talk to people when I go in, which is not what they led me to believe would be happening. I was under the impression I went in, picked up a prescriotion, and left, and no, apparently not. I don't want to talk. Some part of my brain is utterly convinced they're calling me in to explain to me that there's nothing wrong with me but my being stupid and lazy and letting myself continue to be worthless. I know they're probably not. Still feel like it.
I'm going to try and go Wednesday. I just don't know if I actually will. I should. I just don't know.
I should maybe sleep. I've been keeping about a 12/1-7/8 sleep schedule lately. I hate it with a passion, I miss being up all night, but I'm trying to stick with it at least till the Disney trip ends. I should stick with it longer, but... hate it. Hate it a lot.
I don't know. I'm just talking because I don't know what else to do.
no subject